Funnies

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

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I had amnesia once---or twice.

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I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

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Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

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All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

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If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

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What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

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They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

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Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

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Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

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One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

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My weight is perfect for my height--which varies.

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I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

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How can there be self-help "groups"?

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If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

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Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

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Is it just me --or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

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