Excerpts from the Diary of a Californian who moved to Minnesota

7th Day: The move went perfectly, just as my boss said it would. Everyone was on time. The new home is great. The weather is crisp and clean and clear. They haven't had an earthquake for 10,000 years. Do I have a great boss or what? Is this a great place to live in or what? Hey, it just doesn't get any better than this!
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8th Day: It's 5:00 pm and it's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the picture window watching the flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!! Just think, in a couple more months we will have a white Christmas.
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9th Day: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and I loved it. I did both our driveway and sidewalk. Later, a city snow plow came along and accidentally covered our driveway entrance with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.
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10th Day: It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snow plow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now a brownish-gray.
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11th Day: Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145 to a chiropractor, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.
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12th Day: Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4wd in order to get her to work. Slid into a guard rail anyway and did considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter panel. Had another 8 inches of white shit last night. Both vehicles covered with salt and crud. More shoveling in store for me today. That goddam snowplow came by twice today.
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13th Day: 2 degrees outside. More fuckin' snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off for most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and lost my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car slid on the ice going to the emergency room and was totaled.
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14th Day: Goddam mother fuckin' white shit keeps coming down. Have to put all the clothes on that we own just to get to the fuckin' mailbox. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow I'll chew open his chest and rip his heart out. I think he hides around the corner and just waits for me to finish shoveling.
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20th Day: 6 goddam more fuckin' inches of snow and fuckin' ice and fuckin' sleet and God knows what other kind of white fuckin' shit fell last night. I wounded the fuckin' snowplow asshole with an ice ax, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going snow blind. I can't move my toes. Haven't seen the sun in weeks. More fuckin' snow predicted. Wind chill at minus 44 degrees. Fuck the boss, I'm moving back to San Jose.