Public Housing Tenant Complaints from England

These are “genuine” clips from Council flat tenants complaining to the  Council about problems with their flats:
  1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my  back passage has fungus growing in it.
  2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just  can't take it anymore.
  3. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.
  4. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning   at 6am  his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
  5. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you   please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every   night.
  6. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against   my fence.
  7. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy   my wife.
  8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
  9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the   wall.
  10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife  tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
  11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
  12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are   plain filthy.
  13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
  14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it   is cleared.
  15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny   colour & not fit to drink.
  16. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and   burnt my knob off.
  17. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which   is unsightly and dangerous.
  18. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a   third so please send someone round to do something about it.
  19. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when   he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
  20. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet   roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.  And things you notice when you're sixty...