Nursery Rhymes ... your mother never told to you:

JACK AND JILL went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
and now, there's little Frankie.

JACK AND JILL
Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill Forgot the pill And now they have a son. 

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its ass
and turned its wool to nylon.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her
Between two hunks of bread

LITTLE MISS Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her
But Little Boy Blue and his horn. 

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pieman
Going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pieman unto Simon
"Pies, you dumbass!"

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
all the kings horses and all the kings men had
scrambled eggs for breakfast again. 

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE,
the cat did a piddle,
all over the bedside clock,
The little dog laughed
to see such fun
then died of electric shock. 

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too 'because he's gay