Quick stuff

Named Drink

A grasshopper goes to a bar and hops up on a stool.  

The bartender is surprised to see a grasshopper and says "Say, you know we have a drink named after you?"

The grasshopper responds "You have a drink named Roger?"

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Fast Drinker

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve soda's and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "What do you have?" 
"75 cents."

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Just relax

In an attempt to put a new patient at ease during a checkup, my friend, a gynecologist, struck up casual conversation.  After noticing the label on her sandals read, "Hecho en Mexico," he asked his patient,  "So when were you in Mexico?"

Flabbergasted, the patient asked, "MY GOD!  You can tell all that from a pelvic exam?"

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The writing on the (restroom) wall.

A man walked into a barroom, and asked to use the john.  While he was in there, he glanced at the graffiti on the wall. He noticed that someone had written on the bathroom wall:  "My mother made me a homosexual."

Underneath it somebody else had written: "If I send her the wool, will she make me one too?"

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The field trip

I came down with laryngitis last week.  This was the day our fifth-grade class was going on a field trip to the zoo, and I did not want to miss it, so I went to school in spite of having lost my voice. The highlight of the visit to the zoo was the time we spent in the petting zoo. 

While I was petting a baby Shetland Pony, my teacher asked, "How are you feeling today?"

I responded, "I'm feeling a little horse