Miss Speak, Miss Spoke, and Miss Spoken

[reprinted from The Canarsie Courier -  June, 2010]:

Miss Speak, Miss Spoke, and Miss Spoken

by Dr. Stephen Finger

...were three of my favorite teachers. Actually Miss Spoke, who taught English grammar, was the real teacher. The other two were her assistants.

Her favorite phrase, which I can remember to this day, was, "Words have meaning, young man or young lady," [never 'young transgender' or any such, for Miss Spoke was politically very  incorrect] "say what you mean and mean what you say."

Any young miscreant who missed the point had to come to the front of the class and, in front of all of us had to, "Recite the Poem!"

"Oh, dear," fretted Miss Speak who was always...present.

"Clara, the poem? Isn't that a bit harsh?" echoed Miss Spoken who was the only person ever to have been heard calling Miss Spoke, Clara, and that only because they had known each other in the...past.

Words Have Meaning

                            by Miss Clara Spoke

     'No' doesn't mean 'yes.'

     And 'yes' doesn't mean 'no,'

     We're warmed by the sun,

     And not by the snow.

Much ado about nothing? No, that was already taken. Ha, ha. Just kidding.

In any event, to those of you who were never in Miss Spoke's class, this may not seem like a big deal. However, I can assure you that, to those of us who were in her class, it was a  big deal, a very big deal.

While it is true that the poem was not a very 'important' one in the over all scheme of things and would probably not even have been deemed 'consequential' by the Koran, the Torah, or even the New York Times Review of Books, it meant something to us. Having to stand up in front of the whole class and recite the poem meant that you had somehow, in some way, disappointed Miss Spoke.

It meant that she might be thinking that maybe you were either not quite as bright as she had thought you were or, worse still, not quite as honest. Remember, this was in the olden days when people understood what 'shame' meant and understood that 'taking responsibility' for your words meant that you were prepared to pay a price for having spoken them and not just that you could 'take responsibility' in order to avoid responsibility.

And, to be perfectly sure that we knew exactly what she meant, Miss Spoke would often give us examples of the kind of thing that would get us reciting the poem:

   "When I served in Vietnam" does not mean, "When I got five deferments to serve in the

     U.S. Marine Reserves and work in the Toys for Tots program"

    "We ran across the tarmac dodging bullets fired by snipers." does not mean, "It was

     'Take Your Daughter to Work' Day. Chelsea and I strolled across the tarmac, eating

     our ice cream cones and enjoying the sight of the beautiful Bosnian mountains."

    " I never had 'Sax' with that woman." includes piccolos, flutes and any other wind

      instrument. While telling us this one, Miss Spoke would often hum, "Devil with the

      blue dress, blue dress, blue dress, devil with the blue dress on." We never knew what

      that meant. Must have been some sort of an 'in' joke.

Anyway, all three 'Spokes' are long gone. Sorry for waxing nostalgic but I do miss them. Could we use three like these today? Could we ever!

Dr. Stephen Finger practices Medicine in Brooklyn. He ran for Congress in 2006 on both Libertarian and Republican lines and, though he didn't win, he never had to 'recite the poem'. drstevefinger@aol.com