Health State of Mind

[1]  I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I  learned that most people die of natural causes.

[2]   There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the  dead.

[3]   Life is sexually transmitted.

[4]  Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can  die.

[5]  The  only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

[6] Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,  lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

[7]  Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks  about seeing UFOs like they used to?

[8]   Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

[9]  All  of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to  criticism.

[10]   In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is  weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

[11]  How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole  box to start a campfire?

[12]   Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
squeeze  these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'?

[13]   If Jimmy cracks corn  and no one cares, why is there a song about
him?

[14]   Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they
are going to  look up there anyway?

[15]   If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

[16]   If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables,  then what is baby oil made from?

[17]   Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet  Soup?

[18]   Does pushing the elevator button more  than once make it arrive
faster?

[19]   Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the  bottle?